WHAT’S NEXT?
Words by Sonia Rivera
Growing up in a border town as a first-generation older sister in a Mexican family was my one-way ticket to therapy. I was blessed with a family who understood the power of education and did not hold me back from moving 2.5 hours away for college. I was READY, I needed an out. Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in a safe environment, in a good town, but we were all the same. Everyone was bilingual, from the same culture, and we all looked and acted fairly similar.
University was full of firsts for me. For one, I received keys to my first apartment before I received keys to my parent’s house. I had my own restroom that I didn’t have to share with anyone, and for the first time, I did not have a curfew. I was the actual representation of what happens to an overprotected girl when she’s free for the first time. I wanted it all. I made friends with strangers and became friends with their friends and before I knew it, my friend group consisted of kids from so many different backgrounds and cultures.
Like a typical immigrant daughter, I was studying to enter the medical field. But as we sat in a circle at the end of our first semester, my friends and I received notices that we were on academic probation. I quickly realized that path was not for me. But I pushed along and tried to make myself believe that I wanted to become a nurse. Huge mistake. By my junior year, I was burnt out, failed all my classes, and dropped out for 2 weeks while I binge read an alien romance novel. I was in the TRENCHES. But after meeting with my advisor and many tears later, we decided it was time I do something for myself instead of my family and switched my major to my constant love, literature. My family did not understand a degree that was not in science, so even though I was the first to receive a college diploma, the questions regarding my future never stopped. So, I did what many millennials with a bachelor’s in arts did… I went to grad school.
While I struggled academically during my undergrad, my grad school experience was the total opposite. I was studying the ins and outs of the publishing industry and I was THRIVING. I was so in love with my coursework that I did not care that I was a full-time student and worker. I loved it. Don’t get me wrong, I was stressed since I was only allowed As and Bs as final grades, or else I would be kicked out of the program. But I was living for that. I mainly loved telling people I was in grad school though; it was a quick way to shut them up when they asked what I was doing with my English degree. Because if I’m being honest, I didn’t even know.
Now, I’m two degrees hotter as the young kids say it, and I still have no idea what follows. I have a good job that’s not in my career field and sometimes that makes me feel like a failure. Other times, I think about my higher education, and I can feel the world at my fingertips. I know I have the knowledge to succeed but sometimes I just want to breathe. I’ve been in school since I was 3 years old, I’m 27 now and I’m excited to not have to worry about my next paper or project. I’ve interned and freelanced in my career field, and I know I’ll fit right at home there, I just need a door or window to open so I can slide in.
In the meantime, I am content being the older prima who moved away and spent so much time in school. Who is almost 30 y no tiene familia but travels all the time. I am happy being a “college and financial advisor” for my younger cousins going to university and need help navigating Apply Texas and FAFSA. I had no help, but they will find that help in me. I know I will find my niche; I’m not worried about that. But until then, I’m relaxing because after everything, I fucking deserve it.