NO LLORES MIJA

Words and Photography by Laura Rentería 

It’s only been three weeks since one of my worst nightmares came true, I lost my dad. And yet, my world hasn’t ended, which seems weird and wrong. 

There are many things I could say about him, but my favorite memories will always be of him as abuelito. Abu was the greatest abuelito ever: almost every Saturday he and my mom would have their 5 grandkids for a sleepover. He listened to my middle kid on Sunday mornings talk about his favorite games and seemed to be genuinely interested. He would proudly say that my oldest wanted to be an engineer just like him and took him to different maquilas so he could see what being an engineer really is. Every Father’s Day, he ran a 5k with my nephew, who loves to run just like him. And he loved to see my daughter and niece playing and would call them “mis greñudas”. 

I like to remember him as he was: always smiling for pictures, giving me advice which I hated because it always seemed like nagging, loving us the way he knew how, not with words, because a Mexican man from his generation will rarely say "I love you", but with his actions, that spoke louder than any love song in the world. 

“No llores mija” he said to me several times on his last week on this world. Daddy, I can’t do that for you yet, I still cry every day where no one sees me. But I promise I will try my best to speak about you with joy so my kids will always remember their Abu. And hopefully I never forget your voice, trying to protect me until the very end, saying “no llores mija”.